I have played in different sports for as long as I can remember, the main 2 being football and rugby. when I was 16 I broke my collar bone playing in a rugby competition and give it up. Over the years of playing rugby I suffered through a lot of bust noses but this was the worse injury that had occurred. To this day 7 years on I still have a pain when the weather gets cold and still struggle with weights on that side.
However due to this I put more time and effort into football I played on and off through various injuries such as damaged tendons in my hand and sprained ankles. In May a few years ago I though I had suffered my worst injury, I spent a few weeks on crutches after damaging the ligaments and tendons in my left ankle, I didn't let this bother me and after a few month I was back playing but with my ankle supported. I thought I was back on track but then the big injury happened.
Back when I was 7 I went to the doctors because my knee constantly cracked they thought nothing of it and the pain slowly went away, but by the time I was 21 the pain was becoming more unbearable. I played my last game for my Sunday league team in November 2015, I haven't stepped on the pitch since. It turns out after a lot of x-rays and doctors appointments my knee didn't line up correctly. In 2016 I begun physiotherapy and March 2017 that came to an end. My knee still doesn't properly line up and the pain I have learnt to deal with although it is still very bad.
Since stopping playing football my activity levels have dropped, I eat out of boredom. I have gained so much weight. I was also told I had depression a while back and I can tell you now being stopped from doing what you love really doesn't help. I have broke down on Liam so many times saying my dreams have been shattered, I aren't good at anything anymore and most importantly I aren't worth anything. I get in a dark place when I talk about playing because the doctors told me I would never play again, I believed that and didn't try picking myself back up I let those words play around in my head. Football was my only escape and was taken away from me.
Any one who knows me knows what football means to me, if I aren't watching it, I am reading about it. I just wish I could be playing it again. My dream was always to play pro but that is never realistically going to happen now so my current situation is wanting to put on my football boots again and just play for my local team to get back kicking the ball I aren't going to give up. I will keep on trying and I will get on that field again.
I have seen so many players battle back from injury Alex Morgan, Tobin Heath, Ali Krieger and Ashlyn Harris. These women are those who I look up to. They may be professional athletes, world cup winners, but if they can get back why can't I? I will get out of that dark mindset I will get back up and finish what I started. I know if I get back to football I will be in a much better place overall. My weight will drop, my fitness levels will increase and most of all my anger will be left on that pitch and I will be left with a clear mind.
So how am I going to get back? I am pushing myself to limits I didn't know existed in the gym. If I do one set of 12 reps on the leg press in the gym, I will do one more set. I went from 15 mins on the treadmill to 20 then I carried on until 45. I am going until I can't no more. I will be getting some cones and practise my techniques in the garden and on a field, I wont give up until my body does. I am taking care of my leg, I wear a knee brace once I have worked out I will either heat it or freeze it, which ever I think is going to do the most. I will take pain killers when I need to and rest days when required. Although I will push myself further each session I won't go too far. Once I feel I am ready I will sign back up for a team and get some game time in. But I will never give up I will keep going, I won't go to that dark place anymore, I am better than that. If those I look up to can bounce back so can I.
Nothing is going to stop me anymore.
See you soon,
Lucy
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